Wow. Spring Break. Probably THE most overrated week of the entire year. Where everyone travels to nice places and do stupid things. A week where people cant even remember half of what goes on because they are soo drunk all the time. All spring break does is make students want summer more. So when we go back to school, we loose focus and wear inappropriate clothing hoping warm weather will come sometime soon. Yeah, spring break really has no use other than to give lazy ass teachers a break. Im not saying i dont like it, it just has no use. Most of my spring breaks in the past have been pretty boring. Since i cant drive and my parents are at work all day, i usually just stay home and watch my 3 brothers. But this spring break was different. Before the break started, me and da krew created a list of things we needed to do over break. It was a pretty long list that was almost impossible to accomplish it all in one week. So even though we probably only tackled a few of those things on the list, i think we accomplished something that is way more important than "getting a spray tan" or "going swimming." We became a family, an ohana. Throughout the entire spring break, da krew and i hung out with the guys. At the beginning, it was all about having the guys on our side and not on BBB's side. It was about trying to impress the guys so eventually we would all date. As adorable as that sounds, by the end of the break, we realized this is not what its about. It about having true friends to go to. Its about having friends that you are so close to, you consider them family. After having a week full of flirty, crazy, tp-ing fun with all the guys, it took us till last night to realize that we dont want it to be a competition or having to try to impress eachother all the time. Its about being a family. Thats what we want, an ohana. On friday, we all went to tp HAB's house. When we were getting out of the car, drew randomly said "ohana means family, and family means no one gets left behind." It was an inspiring moment for all of us, especially because you would never picture that coming from drew's mouth. Although it was cute at the time, we never expected it to be true. On saturday night, we were all invited to go to kirsten's house with everyone from school. Sadly enough, HAB happend to be there. Trying to avoid all drama and rude comments, we just wanted to have a fun time. Well as crazy as it sounds, we were not wanted at kirsten's. The time we were in there was probably the most awkward 5 minutes of my life. Everyone just stared at us wondering when we were going to leave. So me and da krew just walked out. The best part is that the ohana followed us. Drew, devin, and nick came with us because ohana means family, and family means no one left behind. With no where to go and being forced to stay outside in the freezing cold, the ohana still came with us. It was this moment when we all began to realize we were all family. All the guys could have stayed at kirsten's were it was warm but no. They chose to come with us. We were all hanging out at the park, having care-free fun together. But then everyone from kirsten's house came to the park. We could tell they were just looking for trouble. Suddenly, all our fun we were having just turned into akwardness. After a few minutes, HAB just start yelling at Drew. The poor kid was already having a bad night and he didnt need their bitchyness. After continuous back and forth yelling between the two groups, they all left. As they start walking away, it suprised us all that taten stayed with us. This was the moment that was probably the most beautiful of the entire week. Although it was the most annoying and awkward, it showed the true meaning of ohana. I am so glad to know that i wil always have my ohana to back me up. When anyone in the ohana is being picked on or having troubles with family at home, we know that we can all come together and just have no worries and be there for eachother. We are family, we are ohana, and NO ONE, no matter what, will get left behind.

Thanks to the ohana and especially da krew, for giving me the best spring break of my life.

By: Kaylie (my bestest friend!!)

Happiness is addicting

Today my friend asked me if I "ever felt like I was alone?" I told him that yes, in fact most of my life felt like I was completely alone. That no one cared what I did and that if I messed up no one would be there for me. And just as I told him this I was explaining to my friend that in student government we took stress tests and I scored 126 points higher than the most extreme stress level. My Taylor Swift playlist ended and I switched to my party, hip-hop playlist just as our conversation shifted to talking about how carefree our lives would be when we could finally drive without a screaching mom in the passenger seat, and just a permit sitting in our wallet. And as we discussed our inevitable future we forgot about college and work and grades and the scares and horrors of growing up and focused on the parties and friends and carefree nights soon to come. And I became elated with the idea of being permenantly happy.
The one question that we seemed to continuously be answering even though no one had stated it was, what is happiness? We kept saying how excited we were for the day when we could all be in the car, wind on our faces, hair blowing everywhere, looking beautiful, music blasting, food being devoured, and the feeling of the car wheels breezing over the pavement as we raced towards a party. Is that happiness? Is make up and hip-hop lyrics the key to being free and happy? Or is this just a false happiness? A cover up? A drug?
Happiness is addicting. Weather it's false like an infatuation with another that brings butterflies and smiles, but ends with shattered hearts, broken promises, and emptiness, or it's the true pure feeling within your soul that awakens who you are and frees your spirit it's the one thing we all strive for. Life fullfilment is up for everyones own interpetation, career, love, kids, education, they can move us forward or stunt our growth depending upon many different variables, but friends, real relationships with others, achievement, celebration and true rich happiness is no doubt the answer to everything, the purpose and meaning of life.  The one thing that we can't get enough of, the one thing that all our money and time goes towards is happiness. But most of us don't know what that is, we put money towards materials and objects that have no meaning, we put our time towards making that money or trying to get a better education so that we can get a better job to make more money. History is supposed to teach us, and yet we can't see the fact that the present is hitting us right in the face with a lesson of it's own! Money is not happiness! Partying and material things are not happiness. Living in the moment is happiness, being fully present and engaged in everything that you do is happiness. School is there to teach and educate and the only way to ace that test is to fully learn, process, apply, and enjoy the subjects being presented to you. Work is there to make money but the only way to advance in your career is to enjoy the task that you're doing and every motion and action that goes along with it. Parties are ment for false fun and enjoyment, but to be responsible and surrounded by the ones you have real connections and relationships with is to be truely happy. People may look at a car full of teens and say that they're just being young and will grow out of it and realize that parties are frivolous, dangerous, and not good for you. But really I hope I never out grow out of sneeking around and breaking the rules, then screaming and squeling and every sound of a car pulling up or footsteps down the stairs, I hope I never outgrow the feeling of butterflies as the boy in the hall nods and winks at me, I hope I never outgrow dancing around to a steady bass and spinning until my hair whips my face and the world falls out from under my feet, and I hope I never out grow that moment where I throw your head back so far and laugh so hard that an irrepressable snort escapes my mouth and my eyes wrinkle at the corners.
So what we're addcited to happiness? So what we live our lives carefree in a car full of clothes, make up, Chic-fil-a, and giggling girls? Live life! It's addicting to be alive and happy!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XM-awdgZ_8w&feature=BF&list=PL521DBE7268178466&index=98

Thank you Kaylie for giving me this song and opening your house to us, thank you to da krew for giving me true happiness, an unbreakable bond between sisters, and a regret free life.

The boy who cried wolf

"If I tell you I love you, can I keep you forever?"
                         -Casper
"I wanna grow old with you"
                         -The wedding singer
"Death can not stop true love, all it can do is delay it for a while"
                         -The Princess Bride
"Love is like the wind, you can't see it, but you can feel it"
                         -A walk to remember
"Love is a strong word."
                         -My Ex-boyfriend

"I love you." the posion so easily seeps through his mouth and rests on the crevices of his lips as they press against mine. And I easily mistake the burns that scorch my lips for the exciting, sparks of love in his kiss.

Heart break. It comes quickly, it hits hard. He lied. How could he love me when he can just click his phone off so easily, he sighs "I'm sorry I have to do this"  LIE!

"Wolf, help! There's a wolf" three times the little boy cried, and on the third and true time he was left helpless.

"I love you", "I'm in love with you", "Forever,unconditionally", no matter how many forms it comes in, a promise can only be broken so many times. A lie can only be believed for so long.

One strike. Two more to go before I'm out. Before I don't believe or fall for those words again. Three words. Eight letters. Three chances. The boy cried wolf, I believed him.

candy hearts, toy hearts, my heart.

He broke up with me. A month later everyone got candy hearts on valentines day. Everyone, except me. A month later I gave up on guys all together and decided that I didn't care about them anymore. A day later I fell for him.

He's playing with my heart, and I know it. He's messing with the little strings that grasp for anything they can to keep my heart from tearing. And just to protect that delicate little heart I'll give him a million excuses:
-He just got out of a bad relationship
-He just want's to keep it casual so know one gets hurt
-We're not offical so he doesn't really have to tell other people about us
-I hang out with other guys so he can hang out with other girls
-He didn't actually promise that he'd hang out with me, he just said maybe
-He already had plans set up for a while and he doesn't want to invite me cause it's just a "guy thing"
-He just forgot to text me back because he's super busy
I'll stop before my nose grows long. But you know something? No matter how many times people tell me that he still wants to be with her, or that he's not good for me, I fall for him. I fall for him and his lies. He walks past me in the hall, not even a smile or a slight grin breaks across his face as he brushes past me and as I look back over my shoulder just to catch a glimpse of him, I run into the senior stopped in the middle of the hallway just waiting for an excuse to tell someone off, and as I take the abuse of upper classmen he breezes away not even flinching or glancing back. I'll tease him about it later, "you are so oblivious in the hall!" I'll cry and he'll force a laugh and say "oh well, you know if I wasn't so busy I'd always stop and talk to you but I'm always in such a hurry!" and it won't even matter that his excuse was so poorly formed that my friends are literally shaking me to get me to realize that he's ALWAYS late to class because he stops to talk.... to her. No, it won't matter because I'm a dummy. Yep, that's right, a flat out dumb butt dummy! I've fallen for him. This isn't a candy or a toy, it's my heart. And it's in his hands.

Porcelain Skin

You won't be fifteen forever. But you'll always be in the same skin. You'll always have the same eyes, the same body, the same heart. There's a million clichés about loving who you are, and being yourself. And everyone gets sick and tired of hearing about it because half of us don't know who we are! I'm just a teenage girl trying to make my way in the world, this is my blog, this is me. A bad breakup won't guarantee the fact that I'll be more careful next time and won't get my heart broken, a bad grade won't make me do more homework and gets straight A's, and saying I'm sorry doesn't mean I won't make mistakes again. But I learn and grow with each new experience and day, and each new Taylor Swift song that comes out or each new Justin Bieber movie that "changes my life" helps me get a little bit closer to understanding what exactly it is that I'm supposed to be doing in this world. I have fears, and I make mistakes, and I'm breakable. The wrong word or a cold stare can shatter my world, and break the crystals that so delicately hold me together. But porcelain skin is not just my story, it's everyones, everyones skin may not be a doll faced cream color but we're all breakable, we all have skin that can be cut and marked. And at one point we're all the doll that is outgrown and set aside, at one point no one wants to play with us or include us in their story, but a doll never loses her smile, no matter how dusty her porcelain skin may become.

I don't feel invisible, I feel erased

I don't fee invisiblel, I feel erased.
I wans't the girl who ever thought she'd be replaced.
I remember seeing your face for the first time,
being "us" flew by so fast,
now you and I are a thing of the past,
you don't even remember who I am,
it's like you're looking at something disgusting when you see me,
you don't remember that I'm part of what "we" used to be,
that first time I saw you in the hall,
you nodded your head, with earphones still playing,
"never thought I'd recieve that last phone call" is all I keep saying,
you asked if I "had anyone special for the dance?"
I did't even like you at first, not until that night I gave you a chance,
and other girls, they stop and stare,
but you don't even notice, you don't even care,
I wans't invisible, I was right there,
gave you the power to walk right in and out of my life,
I couldn't respond, couldn't breath, your last words cut like a knife,
I wasn't the girl who thought she'd ever be replaced,
I don't feel invisible, I feel erased.

Wishing for right now

My hair cascaded down my back as I brushed it off my freckled bare shoulder, and I shivered a little bit as the breeze from the cracked open door down the hallway tickled my neck. My feet click, clacked as I strolled around the corner, towards the stair case.And my eyes gleamed as I glanced sideways at my refelction in the trophy case that jutted out from the wall to the left of me. It wasn't necessarily the best day for me, my face wasn't cluttered with eye liner and blush but it wasn't fresh and clean either. And my forehead had a new mosqitoe bite sized, red, and irritated mark, that not even the acne cleanser, commercials, and celebrities swore by could get rid of it. I tried to adjust my loose t-shirt and jeans to fit just right but lost hope after a cute athlete jogged by just as I made a funny face in the dark, foggy reflection. More footsteps pounded from a few feet away and I knew they had to be the feet of a boy who had a sports bag in one hand and large feet that only a Varsity player could posses. But I didn't expect it to be him. Maybe with my luck it would have been Mason or Joey the cute upper classmen that made my heart skip a beat and a breath escape my lips everytime I saw them. But not him. Not the first guy who knew all my secrets. Not the first guy who I fell in love with. Not the first guy who broke my heart. I stood there utterly mortified that I had been thinking about, dreaming about running into him for weeks, and there he was. And so instead of in my dreams, where I happen to see him, no one else in the halls, I'd breath out his name as he turned to grin at me, and I'd tell him my secret, just like I always did, and he'd tell me his for the first time, he'd tell me that he missed me, and that curly, blonde haired, tall, tan, teenage, boy would be mine again. No, instead I literally ran into him. I turned and clumisly dragged my feet away from my refelction and right into him. The moment was there, the moment was now, my sharp elbow bumped his abs as I turned the corner and he stepped back, startled and then stunned to have run into me of all people. The lip gloss on my lips seemed to stick together as I tried to will my mouth to open. But by the time it did, it flooded with air that I desperatly needed after seeing him, and the right now, the right moment, was gone. Because by that time he was gone, my first love, my lost, our first encounter since the end, my first perfect moment, all gone.
First. First step, first word, first food. First dance, first kiss, the winner is always first. The person always moving forward, and rushing through it all. The person with the most desire to get things done and to push forward. Life isn't about doing things first, or experiencing all your firsts right away because you can only have a first love, or a first step into highschool, or a first blog post, once. Once and only once. And when it's over, it's over, and everything you do after that is nothing new.
11:11 a moment everyday that pushes us to think about what we want. To think about the things that we wish we could obtain, or could do, or could be happy with, if only.........if only he liked you, or if only the time was right, or if the only the moment came. The perfect moment. But I'm tired of wishing for that perfect moment, I'm tired of waiting until it's the right time to tell him, or the right time to forgive, or the right time to move on. I wish for right now, I wish to be in this moment and live here forever, because this moment, right now, is the time to speak. The time to forgive. The time to be who you want to be. I wish for right now to never end, because right now is the perfect time, the perfect moment.